Little Miss know it all

Not quite sure how or why I am back here yet again. I, like most women, have a problem keeping my weight in check. I have always been a “big” girl  for as long as I can remember. I never remember a time where I was ever comfortable in my own skin. My mother was never around when I was a little girl and when she was, she was either telling me to “get off my sisters lap before I broke her legs” or telling me that I will never amount to anything. I am what you would call damaged, I guess. I’ve never understood why I have always been overweight… until now.

When my parents divorced it was the best/worst thing that ever happened to me. While I wasn’t around my physically and emotionally abusive mother anymore, my dad didn’t know how to raise two young girls. Since my dad was working all the time and my sister was at that “my sister is soooo uncool stage” no one ever taught me about anything. I mean, ANYTHING. For the longest time, I didn’t know you should brush your teeth twice a day (gross, i know). My dad often felt guilty about the divorce so he would give my sister and I whatever we wanted, when we wanted it, even if it meant he would go without lunch or dinner a few days that week.

My dad giving me anything and everything I asked for was definitely NOT what I needed. I was eating any and every fast food restaurant, every night of the week and drinking soda like it was water. I didn’t know what I was doing to my body and sadly enough neither did my dad. I only reached the obese status once on my own, when I first moved away from my family home. My idea of a healthy lunch was a fried chicken sandwich, small fries and a Sprite (since it was clear it wasn’t as bad as a diet coke). C’mooooon. Really???

My sad realization is that I have been overweight my ENTIRE life. All 27 years. I’ve never worn a 2 piece swimsuit. I’ve never put on a pair of jeans and not had a little bit of muffin top hanging over. I’ve never even owned a pair of shorts. Weren’t these supposed to be the best years of my life? Even after everything I’ve been thru, I find myself going back… I have lost around 100 lbs over the last few years and in a few months I have gained 15 back. I just want to shake myself and yell WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING? I know this is not what I want my life to be. So now the predicament…  what am I do to get myself back on track? I’m not sure if I know the answer but I do plan to work my hardest to figure it out… and FAST.